


Royal Pain

by frustratedNovelist (hanzhoe)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-28
Updated: 2012-09-28
Packaged: 2017-11-15 04:53:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanzhoe/pseuds/frustratedNovelist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chat with the two Carapacians Queens proves to be a little too embarrassing for the Aimless Renegade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Royal Pain

“I simply cannot wait for the Archagent to arrive so I can show him what happens when you murder me.”

“You might get your desire fulfilled fairly soon. It seems like the Prospitian Monarch is quite intent on avenging our deaths.”

“She'd never let justice go unserved.”

Welcome to Limbo, the afterlife or whatever you'd like to call it. It is here that carapaces end up when they die and it is here where Death indulges them with board games and tea for the rest of eternity.

On this particular occasion, we have three carapaces gossiping over trivial affairs. Or rather, we have two ex-queens gossiping and one renegade listening to their conversation because it's not like there's anything more interesting to do.

“Then again, I am not sure I like the idea of having the Sovereign Slayer join us in Limbo forever,” remarked the Windswept Questant, mindlessly stirring her tea.

“Perhaps Renegade can shoot him and he'll be sent to the Limbo of Limbo,” suggested the Black Queen, eyeing the rifle AR was cleaning.

“I'm not sure you can kill someone who is already dead,” WQ mused.

“Well, that isn't going to stop me from tryin',” AR answered.

There was a moment of silence. WQ was drinking her tea, AR was loading some bullets into the gun and BQ was looking at him quite curiously.

“Renegade?” she said, putting her elbow on the table and resting her chin on her hand.

“What?” he asked, still looking at his gun.

“Do you miss her?”

He looked up. “Miss who?”

“The Peregrine Mendicant.”

“'Course I miss her. What kind of a question is that?” he replied before continuing, “But I'm not hanging around here for much longer anyway, so I'll see her soon.”

WQ seemed surprised. “Oh? Are you planning something, Renegade?”

“I don't have anything yet,” he confessed, “but I'll figure a way outta here. No one's keeping **me** locked away from them.”

The two ladies looked at him silently.

“I _**see**_ ,” said BQ finally, leaning back on her chair, a sly smile painted on her face.

AR narrowed his eyes. “What'd you mean 'I see'?”

“Nothing at all. I just find it very touching how dedicated you are to your companions. It's almost as if—no, nevermind, I shouldn't,” she quickly stopped herself, waving her hand in an overly exaggerated way.

“No, tell me,” he interjected. “Almost as if what?”

“Renegade, I really shouldn't. It's none of my business,” she continued, looking idly at her cup of tea, her lips curled into a barely visible smile.

“No, tell me! Withholding information from the law is illegal! You should know since you're the one that made that law back on Derse!”

“I think what she meant, Renegade,” WQ interrupted, “is that the amount of dedication you have towards the Vagabond and the Monarch is much larger than one usually has for one's friends.”

“Exactly,” said the Dersite monarch. “You are, after all, willing to defy Death itself and force yourself back into the living just to see them again.

“Well, of course. They're my best friends!”

“Yes but actions like those usually speak of a bond far greater than any type of friendship,” said WQ.

What do you mean 'greater tha—Ohh. _**OH**_!” AR suddenly exclaimed, understanding where they were headed. “Oh no, I'm not talkin' about this!”

“But, Renegade,” BQ said, unable to stop herself from smiling. “There is nothing wrong with harboring those kinds of feelings for someone.”

AR, at this point, was starting to blush quite noticeably. “I said I am not talking about this!”

“I notice you haven't denied having these feelings for them,” she continued, having far too much fun.

“Come now, Renegade,” WQ added, “It's okay to talk about this. We can offer advice.”

Were they _**kidding**_ him??

“I bet you and Mendicant would make an ab-so-lu-te-ly adorable couple, wouldn't they, Questant?”

AR was about to protest some more but his mind wandered off. They **would** make an adorable couple, wouldn't they?

“Oh, yes,” agreed WQ, giggling a little. “Terribly adorable couple, indeed.”

AR stood up from his seat, blushing furiously. “I'm not dealing with this,” he announced.

“Aw, you're leaving?”

“Really, Renegade,” WQ said, “we were only teasing you! Don't be like that!”

“Nope, I'm done. Sorry, ladies,” he answered, walking away.

That's what he got for hanging out with two dames so much. He needed to go be with men who didn't start trying to get him to talk about whether or not he was in love with WV and PM because that was his own damn business. Besides, what WQ and BQ did was called invasion of privacy and it was PROBABLY ILLEGAL.

After mindlessly walking around for a few minutes, he finally came across WK, BK and Death. As he made his way towards them, he noticed they were all holding makeshifts swords and that WK was reading aloud from a book.

“Very well, now this is where Aramis, in other words me, comes in and says—Ah! Renegade! It is so good to see you!” the Monarch exclaimed upon seeing the dersite. “Death lent us this very enthralling book called 'The Three Musketeers' and we've decided to make a little play for everyone here in Limbo! You can be D'Artagnan!”

“We could call it 'The Three Decapitated Musketeers!'” suggested the Black King, receiving approving nods from his two companions

AR slapped his palm onto his face.

_**Royals.** _


End file.
